Monday, August 31, 2015

50 Days

Dearest Dad,

You really threw me a curve ball this time! I can't believe it's been 50 days today since you died. It seems like just yesterday. I find myself still getting up to go talk to you. And then I remember.....

We all miss the infamous G-Pa Bob around here. I bet you didn't know you had so many friends in Blogville. Our friends here helped me through some of these dark times. The droves of sympathy cards, e-mails, messages, texts, phone calls, the flowers we received, the cookie baskets, the memorial photo frame, the phone calls, etc. Our friends ROCK! I even received a set of beautifully embroidered kitchen towels of Lily Belle & Muffin from a blog reader who lurks behind the scenes along with a heartfelt note that says I don't know you... but I'm thinking of you.

 Yummy cookies

Your good friends at Monroe Golf Club even memorialized you. They said they miss you too. They flew the flag at half staff just for you Dad. Go Navy! Yes, we cleaned out your locker.

Your death has left a big impact on our lives in many ways. Bob and I shed tears daily. You'll be happy to know that he has finally stepped up to the plate to help me here at the house. I couldn't do all of this stuff without him here. He's finally becoming my big brother.

Cindy has been handling all the legal paperwork which has been a big blessing.

I decided to have your ashes mixed in with Mom's. Your friends at the funeral home did that for me. Yes Dad, I took you to Anthony's like you always told me to do. They said that they hope you are playing a round of golf up there with their Dad Ben just like you did in days past.

I hope that you are happy now that you are back together with your beautiful bride once again. Did you remember to tell Mom how much I miss her? We've had that conversation numerous times so I sure do hope you remembered.

Things are quickly changing here Dad. Rolf and I are moving to your Florida home just like you wanted us to. We will buy out Bob's share in the house. In fact, we're leaving this Thursday. It's bittersweet. We are all going to be sad leaving our beautiful NY home that we shared together for over 7 years. But truthfully, without you here, it's really just a house now. I always knew this house was just a stopping place in our journey. And now this journey is coming quickly to a close. We've done everything in record time. The house will go up for sale right after we leave town. We're all exhausted and sore. But isn't that why they made Advil?


This change in life has forced us to finally clean out the basement. What a HORRIBLE task that has been. I had to dig through thousands of photographs and toss them out. I took pictures of the pictures that meant the most. Oh does that make sense..... I also had to go through all of Mom's cookbooks. Yes, each and every one of them. She had like 100 of them. I photographed all her good recipes. Mom kept so many things. A real sentimental gal.

I guess I shouldn't pick on Mom, because I finally after 56 years said good bye to my teddy bear.

We used the Waste Management Bagster for our trash. It was an awesome system and very convenient. Even I was impressed.
We had a huge garage sale last weekend and sold off anything and everything we could.

It was a lot of work but we survived. We got rid of 90% and the people got some great bargains. I hated to sell off our lives like that, but we have absolutely NO storage in the FL house as you know. The only piece of furniture we are taking is our couch and good TV stand. But we sure have a lot of crap packed and ready for the movers on Wednesday. Don't know where it's gonna go in FL, but I'll figure it out as I unpack.

Yup, had to hire a moving company to get it all down there. Rolf just shakes his head!
We're saying auf wiedersehen (until we meet again) to our friends because we refuse to say good bye. Of course, Aunt Rona is taking it the hardest. She can't believe that we are letting Lily and Muffin move so far away from here. Wednesday night we will stop and see Rolf's Mom one last time. Though we lost her to dementia many years ago, we will still hug and kiss her and sit and hold her hand and tell her just how special she is.

Lily & Muffin are so confused. They don't understand all the people in and out. The boxes galore in the house, the missing furniture, etc. I hope it will all settle down for them once we get settled in FL. They continue to look for you in your room. When I tell them you're not here, they run to the deck door to see if you are sitting out there. I know the munchkins will be looking for you in FL too. This shit called life is never easy. You'll be happy to know that Lily's paw is better. You were so worried about her. They REALLY miss their G-Pa!!
I miss you like crazy Pop and I think you know that. You must be the one sending me all the pennies. Oh, and I found one of Mom's hair nets the other day during the garage sale. So I knew Mom was there too in spirit.
Is Mom rubbing her nose? That was our sign for "you gotta be kidding me!" She must be. Because I'm sure she knows that Bob ran right out and bought himself a new Harley motorcycle.
I know I have another large task awaiting me in FL. I get to clean out your stuff there also. But I'll be a brave soldier Dad and throw myself on my sword just like you taught me.
One last thing Dad..... Later tonight Bob and I are going to dress like Ninjas and go scatter some of you and Mom in one of the top secret locations you both wanted your ashes to go. Rolf and Cindy will stay in the van in case Bob and I need to be bailed out of jail. The remainder of you two will be going to FL with us. I wouldn't have it any other way!
Me, well, I'm doing the best that I can Dad considering..... It's been pretty rough for me, but please try not to worry about me too much. After all, I was born a Hagen and we come from tough stock. I'm going to be alright Dad, I promise. It may not happen today or tomorrow, or for years to come, but I WILL be OK.
Love and miss ya Dad! Kiss Mom for me.
Kimmer (That's what Dad always called me)
Keep your head up.
God gives his
hardest battles
to his strongest


  1. Omgosh I just teared up. I never have with a blog post before.
    Big hugs to you. Xxoo

  2. Gosh time flies. When you lose someone you love it always feels like it happened yesterday
    Lily & Edward

  3. {{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}
    Mr Bailey, Hazel, Mabel & Mom

  4. We just don't have the right words, tears, hugs, ...............stella rose
    beautiful post. stay strong.

  5. Kim,
    This post is just beautiful, but also sad. I didn't cry until the end. I love the picture of you holding Lily Belle. I am glad her foot is better now. I believe you are of touch stock to do all you have had to do in getting ready to move and go thru all of the memories of stuff in such a short time. I don't think I would be strong enough to get rid of my Gund teddy bear though. Mine looks just like yours and named Sue which I got on my first birthday so Sue is 61 years old. I hope you and your brother don't end up in jail tonight. ;) Have safe travels to Florida!
    Jane and Sambo

  6. What a beautiful tribute to your dad. We are sure he ready every word. Maybe not from the blog but from your heart when you wrote it.

    Your Pals,

    Murphy & Stanley

  7. We have very weepy eyes here as we read this awesome tribute toyour Dad. He was so very well-loved and will remain with you in so many ways you may never realize. We bet your Mom and Dad are holding hands and smiling down with great pride at the wonderful daughter they made.

    Hugs and much love, Ciara, Lightning, and Mom

  8. Kim this tribute and letter to Dad was absolutely beautiful. I just have no words but I know that you know exactly how I'm feeling because our lives have taken similar paths. May God bless you. And remember.....Your Mom and Dad are always watching over you.


  9. I have been thinking of all of y'all and I was glad to see your post. Hang in there my friend, love and hugs.

    Aroo to you,

  10. We're sad to hear you won't be in town much longer but we hope you are happy being full time Floridians. I've been lucky in that my mom has had to deal with taking care of my dad's things and all the paperwork that goes with losing someone. I still think about my dad every day. I'm sure it must be tougher for you since your dad lived with you. This was a lovely tribute and remembrance of Grandpa Bob.

  11. Thank you for sharing this beautiful tribute. I think about you and pray for you often. I know how hard it is and I wish you peace.

    Anne and Ziggy

  12. Sheesh, you've been so busy. Look forward to hearing from you when you've moved and are settled again.

  13. Very very hard times. But it sounds like you and your family are working through all the tough stuff you have to do. I know the hardest of all is going on without your Dad. All of us in Blogville are thinking of you, sending you all the strength we can. I hope that the move to Florida makes you very happy.

  14. Such a beautiful tribute. I'm so sorry for the loss of your Dad. We are thinking of you all.

    Monty and Harlow
    ...and their Mom, who lost her papa 11 years ago. Time moves on, but the happy memories stay firmly in place.

  15. Reading your post made me feel like I was right there with you going through all of your family treasures. I am glad that you have found your brother. The two of you are both orphans now and have to hold on to each other. Your New York home is so beautiful and that yard is magnificent. Will be glad to hear when you are safely back in Florida. You should become a professional writer

  16. What an endearing tribute to someone so loved. All the memories you created together and will sustain in the future. I'm glad as well you have a brother.

    Here's a hug to help you through the busy days ahead.

    Abby Lab and her Mom LB

  17. Mommy's eyes were leaking while she was reading this post. She still misses Papa Ricca & it was so long ago. She loves to tell us stories about his antics. The memoirs are always fresh.

    God bless...... Mommy's girls

  18. Kim this is such a loving and beautiful post...I know how hard it is to go through another person's belongings...trying to decide what to keep. I did it in 2013.
    I guess by now you are in Florida....sending hugs
    Cecilia and Madi


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