50 Days

Dearest Dad,

You really threw me a curve ball this time! I can't believe it's been 50 days today since you died. It seems like just yesterday. I find myself still getting up to go talk to you. And then I remember.....

We all miss the infamous G-Pa Bob around here. I bet you didn't know you had so many friends in Blogville. Our friends here helped me through some of these dark times. The droves of sympathy cards, e-mails, messages, texts, phone calls, the flowers we received, the cookie baskets, the memorial photo frame, the phone calls, etc. Our friends ROCK! I even received a set of beautifully embroidered kitchen towels of Lily Belle & Muffin from a blog reader who lurks behind the scenes along with a heartfelt note that says I don't know you... but I'm thinking of you.

 Towels

 Yummy cookies

Your good friends at Monroe Golf Club even memorialized you. They said they miss you too. They flew the flag at half staff just for you Dad. Go Navy! Yes, we cleaned out your locker.

Your death has left a big impact on our lives in many ways. Bob and I shed tears daily. You'll be happy to know that he has finally stepped up to the plate to help me here at the house. I couldn't do all of this stuff without him here. He's finally becoming my big brother.

Cindy has been handling all the legal paperwork which has been a big blessing.

I decided to have your ashes mixed in with Mom's. Your friends at the funeral home did that for me. Yes Dad, I took you to Anthony's like you always told me to do. They said that they hope you are playing a round of golf up there with their Dad Ben just like you did in days past.

I hope that you are happy now that you are back together with your beautiful bride once again. Did you remember to tell Mom how much I miss her? We've had that conversation numerous times so I sure do hope you remembered.

Things are quickly changing here Dad. Rolf and I are moving to your Florida home just like you wanted us to. We will buy out Bob's share in the house. In fact, we're leaving this Thursday. It's bittersweet. We are all going to be sad leaving our beautiful NY home that we shared together for over 7 years. But truthfully, without you here, it's really just a house now. I always knew this house was just a stopping place in our journey. And now this journey is coming quickly to a close. We've done everything in record time. The house will go up for sale right after we leave town. We're all exhausted and sore. But isn't that why they made Advil?

 

This change in life has forced us to finally clean out the basement. What a HORRIBLE task that has been. I had to dig through thousands of photographs and toss them out. I took pictures of the pictures that meant the most. Oh does that make sense..... I also had to go through all of Mom's cookbooks. Yes, each and every one of them. She had like 100 of them. I photographed all her good recipes. Mom kept so many things. A real sentimental gal.

 

 

I guess I shouldn't pick on Mom, because I finally after 56 years said good bye to my teddy bear.

 

We used the Waste Management Bagster for our trash. It was an awesome system and very convenient. Even I was impressed.

 

We had a huge garage sale last weekend and sold off anything and everything we could.

It was a lot of work but we survived. We got rid of 90% and the people got some great bargains. I hated to sell off our lives like that, but we have absolutely NO storage in the FL house as you know. The only piece of furniture we are taking is our couch and good TV stand. But we sure have a lot of crap packed and ready for the movers on Wednesday. Don't know where it's gonna go in FL, but I'll figure it out as I unpack.

 

Yup, had to hire a moving company to get it all down there. Rolf just shakes his head!

 

 

We're saying auf wiedersehen (until we meet again) to our friends because we refuse to say good bye. Of course, Aunt Rona is taking it the hardest. She can't believe that we are letting Lily and Muffin move so far away from here. Wednesday night we will stop and see Rolf's Mom one last time. Though we lost her to dementia many years ago, we will still hug and kiss her and sit and hold her hand and tell her just how special she is.

Lily & Muffin are so confused. They don't understand all the people in and out. The boxes galore in the house, the missing furniture, etc. I hope it will all settle down for them once we get settled in FL. They continue to look for you in your room. When I tell them you're not here, they run to the deck door to see if you are sitting out there. I know the munchkins will be looking for you in FL too. This shit called life is never easy. You'll be happy to know that Lily's paw is better. You were so worried about her. They REALLY miss their G-Pa!!
 

 

 

 

I miss you like crazy Pop and I think you know that. You must be the one sending me all the pennies. Oh, and I found one of Mom's hair nets the other day during the garage sale. So I knew Mom was there too in spirit.

 

Is Mom rubbing her nose? That was our sign for "you gotta be kidding me!" She must be. Because I'm sure she knows that Bob ran right out and bought himself a new Harley motorcycle.

 

I know I have another large task awaiting me in FL. I get to clean out your stuff there also. But I'll be a brave soldier Dad and throw myself on my sword just like you taught me.

 

One last thing Dad..... Later tonight Bob and I are going to dress like Ninjas and go scatter some of you and Mom in one of the top secret locations you both wanted your ashes to go. Rolf and Cindy will stay in the van in case Bob and I need to be bailed out of jail. The remainder of you two will be going to FL with us. I wouldn't have it any other way!

 

 

 

Me, well, I'm doing the best that I can Dad considering..... It's been pretty rough for me, but please try not to worry about me too much. After all, I was born a Hagen and we come from tough stock. I'm going to be alright Dad, I promise. It may not happen today or tomorrow, or for years to come, but I WILL be OK.

 

Love and miss ya Dad! Kiss Mom for me.

 

Kimmer (That's what Dad always called me)

xoxo

 

Keep your head up.

God gives his

hardest battles

to his strongest

soldiers...